How do you build a relationship of trust with yourself?
You lost weight and gained it back. You said you wouldn't eat something, and then you did. You didn't stay consistent. You've tried to be healthy before and it lasted for a period of time, and then you fell back off the wagon. You judged yourself harshly and gave up. You lived outside of reasonable boundaries, and didn't hold yourself accountable.
Dr. Brenè Brown recently gave a talk about the anatomy of trust. I have thought about this talk many times since I first saw it a few months ago. Brenè is a researcher and an author and has been featured on TED talks 2 times. In this talk she used the acronym BRAVING to define the key components of trust toward others and how we trust ourselves. It is wonderful. Take the time to watch it.
See the talk here: http://www.supersoul.tv/supersoul-sessions/the-anatomy-of-trust
Shame is rampant in the health/fitness industry and so many things are motivated by shame.
Shame that our body isn't where it could be
Shame stemming from comparison
Shame stemming from comparison of how we used to look or what we used to be able to do
Shame from a current financial status
Shame that a photo would be less than extraordinary, and lead to embarrassment
Shame from our current or previous choices
Shame of the amount of people involved in our life or quantity of social media followers
Shame that a career isn't as far along as was planned
Shame how we acted or responded
Shame regarding our priorities
Shame in our relationships
Shame of how we let things go for so long without doing anything about it
Shame from being a beginner
Shame that we aren't extraordinary
Shame can be a paralytic. It keeps us trapped and stagnant.
While shame is paralyzing and leads us to hide, trust opens our hearts and frees us to be authentic.
"Trust is built in very small moments"- Brenè Brown
Trust yourself. Develop the habit of trusting yourself. Set small goals and achieve them.
Shame paralyzes our thoughts and actions and keeps us repeating damaging behavior. Shame says
“You’ve screwed up so many times, this isn’t going to be any different. You are probably going to lose money trying”
“You’ve never stuck to it in the past, this will be exactly the same”
“Look at yourself, you should be so much further along by now”
“You’ve made so many bad decisions, add this one to your list”
“You can’t honestly think that this is going to work”
“I feel awful, I might as well grab a pizza and head home”
"You always fail at fitness"
Trusting yourself takes courage and understanding. Trust is based on previous behavior and it is built on small moments of follow through, not extravagant shows of trustworthiness or blindly hoping for a good outcome.
"I said that I was going to exercise 3 times this week, and I did."
"I said that I was going to avoid the second helping when I had eaten a proper portion, and I did."
"I said that I was going to try a new exercise, and I did."
"I said that I was going to try a new food or recipe, and I did."
"I feel proud of the accomplishments I’ve made, and I know I can do it again." Trust.
Trust says, I’ve tried new things in the past, and I was able to do them. If I try something reasonable in the future, I bet I can do that too.
I used Brenè's acronym B.R.A.V.I.N.G. and paraphrased in my own words regarding building trust with ourselves.
Boundaries: Establish clear and reasonable boundaries with yourself. Respect that boundary.
Reliability: Be consistent and honest every day. Show up for yourself.
Accountability: Own up to mistakes and understand the reasons why you made them. Apologize if you hurt others in the process and work to makes amends if you need to.
Vault: Don't betray yourself by sharing your deep feelings or personal stories with people who do not value you (especially if they haven't shown themselves to be trustworthy.) Don't participate in gossip because that information is not yours to share.
Integrity: Act and behave in a way that upholds your values and beliefs. If you value health and want to prioritize living a whole and healthy life, act in such a way that upholds that belief and value.
Non-judgement: You can make small or huge mistakes, and you are still loved and not judged harshly. Know better and do better, but don't live in fear of judgement from yourself or others.
Generosity: Give yourself and others the benefit of the doubt. Speak kind words to yourself.
Today is a new day to live in integrity. If you value your health, then it should be a priority every single day. Small steps. No grand gestures needed. It doesn't have to be perfect to be great. Try again. You can do it!